|Posted by Marney Schorr on July 19, 2014 at 9:00 AM|
This morning I am getting ready to eat french toast. The cinnamon and butter waft from my friend's stove in the next room over. I am in my pajamas on the couch beside a 90 lb pitbull giving me his cutest puppy dog eyes and pushing his way heavier against my legs. After a few restless nights, I am at peace. I am feeling abundance. I have called in a lifeline.
While I am generally an independent problem solver, when I need - I tend to need deeply. I fear those closest to me will get tired and be overburdened by my darker depressive side. When I express these concerns, they feel better because it shows consideration and they know I appreciate them.
It reminds me that it is okay to share more than just my toys in the sandbox.
We all have support and we are afraid to use it. People need each other but to what extent do we give ourselves and each other permission to need? The cause of our suffering is secondary to the affirmation that it is our nature, an ingredient of the human condition. The other ingredient is love. And there are so many forms love takes.
Gratitude is a form of love, appreciating the universe in beautiful or even sad moments. This has been happening for me lately on long drives, many of them this week.
What I experience are storm clouds and melon pink sunsets; white morning fog, summer haze, followed by late day clarity. Deep azure blue followed by moody grey purples as the night rolls in and the highways before me look wet.
Day before last, Mom asked if I'd been turning to God. How do you answer that? Not really I said. I had forgotten the Source. Within a few hours, there it was - streams of sunlight like lasers beaming through gaps in the mountainous countryside. It blocked the road ahead. And that was exactly what I needed. To stop looking ahead and be grateful in the moment.
I just felt the light, the life, another kind of life line.
Today I want to thank my lifelines. My family and friends, the sweet clients I am getting to know, the cool creatives of NU Arts and the artists of the Berkshires I meet everywhere. My new studio and the hot pink rose plant that awaits me in the 10 foot window. And the city I left behind in search of a more rural life knowing like Dorothy in Oz, I can always return.
If there is a ripple effect, those lines are being drawn over and over, outwardly to you...here's one...right...there.
Categories: Ah Ha Moments